sea change

i would totally do christopher walken

ohmygah.

succeeeeeed, dammit

progress reports came out last week.

not good.

it's hard not to look at it as a failure on our part.  he was injured, missed a few days of school, right at the end of the grading period.

i don't want to hound him, i don't want to nag.  but goddamn it... seriously, kid?  this is your job.

he lied.  he hemmed and hawed (hawwed?).  he said it was taken care of.  he said this, we believed him.

it's not the lying that bothers me, it's more than that.  everything's online these days.  classes, homework, grades, everything.  the thing is... i can see what he's doing/not doing.  and he still manages to hose me.

because i want to believe him.  i want to believe that he's caught up on his work.  i want to believe that he's investing in himself, that what we're doing is the right thing.  his D is my D.

six weeks.  it's only been six weeks, i can't believe it's been six weeks.

he's grounded, he's not grounded.  his time on the computer is limited, we gave him the time back.  i'm confused with the restrictions and the what ifs.

if you make progress within the next two weeks, you can have/do this.  we're not asking for straight As.  we're asking for progress, that he turn in his homework that he completes, that he studies for his tests.  we're asking for progress from him.

..::..

there are other areas that have seen amazing improvement.  personally, him, himself, he has changed and evolved since living with us.  he hasn't been suspended, he hasn't been sent to the principal's office.  he's lived with us for six whole weeks.  he used to go between parent/parent house every few days; getting frustrated with the living situation only to move to another one and be frustrated there.

grades matter, though, right?  it's not that he has a learning disability.  really, the kid gets it.  he's a smart kid, and i'm not just saying that because he's my nephew.  he gets it.  he asks us for help, he has a large vocabulary (damn that vocabulary...sarcastic wit runs strong in this one), he's just... i don't know... a teenager?  he has more important things to do.

we've taken things away, computer, phone, etc.  he focuses for a bit, then it drops off.  i don't know what his previous homework practice was like.  i don't know if he had help, i don't know what kind of support his mother gave him.  i don't know if this is normal behavior for him, i don't know.

..::..

i hate focusing on the negative.  i hate grounding him for not turning in his homework, for saying it's finished, for making excuses.  but we do it.  it seems like for every good thing (behavior, attitude), there's a "bad" thing that needs to be mentioned.  "great job not getting into fights, kid, but why are there zeros for these assignments?"

it's only been six weeks.  and he was out sick for a few days.  he knows he can do better, he's said so a few times.  it's unfortunate that he was out right before the progress report came out.  and it's not the semester grade, not the final grade.  he can make stuff up, he can catch up.

so what am i all fuffled about?  the reflection of his grades on me?  i want him to have better habits before he gets into high school. 

..::..

he's mr. social.  god, he reminds me of my dad.  i swear he has his feet.

still funny shit, yo

my little sister loves jacob from twilight.  she's team jacob all the way.  my coworkers are team edward.  but mostly they're just twilight freaks.  they've gone twilight crazy.  they have the trading cards, the posters, the coloring books, the bookmarks, the candies, the board games (FOUR OF THEM BECAUSE THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CASES), and the cardboard cutouts of bella, edward, and jacob.

they brought a couple into the office.  we had a fun time hiding bella in the bathroom.

but when jacob joined our department?  i had to take him home.

my little sister LOVES him.  but he turns 18 in february.  which makes her feel icky.

so i have to shove him in her face every chance i get.

i put him in her bed.

but i covered him up, so it didn't have the desired effect.

i tried hiding him behind the front door to scare boyfriend and his unsuspecting seven year old daughter.

boyfriend was expecting it.

i got a good giggle out of it.

we tried the kitchen, we tried the dining room.  we tried the closet.  this only freaked us out before little sister even got home.

nephew suggested putting jacob in her bathroom.

genius, that kid.

the following takes place between 1032pm and 1033pm.

00-08--my glass of wine and some air freshener (i was being sneaky, please excuse the dead space, and welcome to the end table)
08-22--the wall between the living room and dining room (welcome!)
22--nephew pops up
36--where did nephew go?
40--found him! (and giggle)
52--mel opens door and hits jacob
(gasp!)
53--you fuckers!!
53--i start laughing
104--you threw the eff bomb!
107--the back of jacob's head is visible as she carries him to the dining room
114--screw jacob!

end scene

off camera high fives.

aunty disneyland

i should let it go.  i should forget it.  i should just let it pass on by.  i should duck, instead of letting it hit me square in the chest.

i could compare it to hiding in the trenches.  bullets whizz overhead.  to stand up is to get shot.  we let her bullets fly overhead, for the most part.  we can't stop the bullets, we should just let them go by.  

but sometimes... sometimes we have to stand up.
 
the other sister keeps calling me and my little sister "aunty disneyland".  nephew doesn't want to hang out with his mom.  she disregards this by saying she's an old fogey and that's why he doesn't want to hang out with her.  he doesn't want to see her.  he doesn't miss his mom.  the only time he talks about her is when we bring up plans to see her.  he tells us he plans on being sick that day. 
 
he has called her a loser.
 
i hurt for him, that he thinks his mom is a loser.  no one should think their mom is a loser.  imagine that, your mom... you think she's a loser.  you can't confide in her, you don't want to see her.  because she's a loser.
 
we don't tell her this.  we don't tell her that he thinks she's a loser.  we don't tell her what he really thinks about his stepfather.  she makes excuses, she gives us her facts.
 
which don't stand a chance in the light of truth.  he doesn't give her the truth, and we keep it from her as well.  are we perpetuating the pretend world she lives in?
 
would it be better if we told her the truth?
 
i've tried.  it didn't do anything.  it's like howling into the wind.
 
this isn't disneyland.  this is hard work.  we ground him, we say no, we say yes.  we have boundaries.  keep your hands and arms in the car at all times.
 
disneyland.  that would be nice.  it used to be disneyland, but even then, we were their bases.

..::..

she wants to start working on their relationship.  this is something i brought up in the beginning, something i said we are aware of.  he needs to have a relationship with his mother.  we wouldn't stand in the way of that, and we'd do everything we could to promote it.

but she doesn't talk to him.  she doesn't call him.  he doesn't miss her.  from what i can tell, he doesn't want a relationship with her.  he doesn't call her.  we don't talk about her.  do we make him spend time with her? 

..::..

i'm really tired of this subject.  i'm really tired of watching what i say, planning what to say, going through people to get through to her.

every time i respond to anything she says, it gets nasty.  i sent her an email asking her not to call us disneyland auntys.  she didn't respond, but she called our little sister to tell her that she was going home because of my nasty email that 'blasted' her.  she's going home because of this:

Please stop calling us Aunty Disneyland.  We don't live in disneyland.   We do have rules.  We do have boundaries.  He doesn't get to do whatever he wants.  We're working hard to set boundaries and rules and expectations for him.  We say no, we ground him, we make sure he does his homework.  This is not disneyland.  Please stop calling us that.

..::..

i don't know how much of this to blog about.  there are other things going on, and my frustration and rage at her doesn't happen all the time.  i leave the area of her storm, and i don't think about it.  i get it out here, and then that's it.

you know, until the next time. 

thank you for sticking with me.  maybe i'll write about penises.  yes.  next post will be about penises and poop.

we're gonna need a bigger boat

i fell in love with this recipe when i saw the flaky crust.  and fell more in love with it before i even tasted it... when the smell of it filled the house.  it smelled like thanksgiving.  smelled like fall.  smelled like welcome home.

egads... i want to make it again.

every time i make it, i think i need a bigger pot.  and then i think of Jaws and needing a bigger boat.

seriously, this is an awesomely easy recipe, and so effing delicious.  the original recipe is here.  click over.  your mouth will water.  you'll make it tomorrow.

i'm not a very big fan of carrots.  i put less carrots in, and more celery.  like maybe four stalks?  five?  i eyeball it and chop till i get tired.  my little sister likes potatoes, so i end up dicing them... like french fries cut in half.  like long dices.

she uses organic chicken.  i....um... i use one of those ready baked chickens from the store.  i take it apart with my hands, stir it in at the right time.  she uses sherry, i used white wine.

i've never been able to get the crispy, flaky crust that's in her picture, but mine's not gummy or chewy, just gooooood.

oh man.  it smells soooo good.

make sure you have a bigger boat.  when i do it, it makes two pans.  it's great the next day.  and the next.  the only thing i need to remember is taste it before i season it.  the chickens have seasoning in them already, and i tend to over-pepper, then realize it too late.  like not until the next time, when nephew asks me to add less pepper. 

after the chopping

before the pans

before the oven

after the oven (i need to work on my crust placement)

ready to eat

i love it.  it makes me feel like a grown up when i make it.  all the ingredients!  but it's really easy to make, and so worth it.